winning feels like losing sometimes

First place, second thoughts...

I used to believe that winning was everything. That if I worked hard enough, wanted it enough, I deserved it. And maybe I still do. But lately, winning feels different.

I remember this one moment. I had just gotten news that I’d won something big, something I really wanted. I was proud of myself, a little breathless from the relief. But then I saw her. A girl standing off to the side, staring at her phone. Still. Blank. Like she was holding in something heavy.

She wasn’t my friend. I didn’t even know her name. But I knew. I knew she had wanted it too. Maybe more than I did. Maybe she needed it in a way I never could understand.

I smiled for the photos. I said thank you. But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The way she just stood there, quiet in the background while I was handed the thing she must’ve dreamed about.

Since then, it’s happened again. Different faces, different dreams. And every time I win, I think about the ones who didn’t. The ones who walk away quietly, while I walk toward the spotlight.

I still chase the things I want. But sometimes it feels like each success comes with a shadow. Like every time I rise, I step into a space someone else was hoping to fill.

And I don’t really know what to do with that.

What do I do? When winning feels like taking someone else’s dream?