The Only Thing I’m Exercising Is My Patience
Waking up early to pretend we’re working out: the school’s favorite form of psychological warfare.
Let’s set the scene:
It’s 5:30 in the godforsaken morning. My alarm sounds like a war horn. My dreams just got interrupted mid-scene (and it was just getting good — Pedro Pascal had entered). I roll out of bed looking like a rejected background character from The Walking Dead, and what am I forced to do?
“Morning activity.”
HAHA.
You mean collective public standing??
Because that’s all we do. Just stand.
Like confused flamingos. In shorts.
Blinking aggressively. Questioning everything.
I swear, the school's idea of exercise was generated by Chat GPT having a midlife crisis. One day they say "jogging" and we’re slow-walking in circles like ghosts doing a funeral march. Next day it’s "yoga," and everyone’s in child’s pose, fully asleep. I heard snoring. FROM THREE PEOPLE.
And don’t even get me started on “station drills.”
Babe… that’s not a real thing. That’s not a workout. That’s just PE teachers improvising at 5:29 a.m. like:
“Uh... today’s activity is… frog jumps... near cones... while breathing… dramatically.”
You expect me to jump at 5:30 a.m.?
Bro I haven’t even blinked properly yet.
And the teachers? Oh, they be out here moving like they’re in a some marathon themselves. Yelling “Put in some ENERGY!!” while doing nothing but taking pictures to show our parents, who are for gods sake ENJOYING THEIR SLEEP.
I once heard a teacher say “this builds discipline.”
Sir, I can see your dark circles from Japan. Let’s calm down.
By the time we’re back from this punishment (that belongs for hell’s sinners), I’m more tired than when I woke up. The only muscle I exercised was my jaw from yawning so hard my soul left my body. I return to my room just to collapse and just daydream about sleeping.
Moral of the story?
This school is not building athletes. It’s building emotionally unstable people with trust issues and lower back pain.
Honestly, just call it what it is:
"Early morning cosplay as fitness."
PS.
Whoever planned this owes me 30 hours of sleep and an apology written in protein powder.
Please sir, if you are reading this please cancel morning sports. (insert crying emojis)
At first I was like- hah! You got up right after the alarm ...there's no way-
Then I realised...you have no other choice. So....my dear condolences.
I'm not a sports person so I probably just walk the whole time and sit in the corner while sticking my leg against the wall and sleeping.